What I Wish I Knew One Year Ago

April 23, 2017 - 

Almost one year ago to the day, I was in New York City researching contemporary art as part of my senior project.  While the project itself was exciting, this was actually a very emotional time for me, as everything I knew and loved was coming to an end.  I was getting ready to graduate, leave my friends and my home, and move to a new city.  Essentially, all of this was why I started my blog, and while you readers had the opportunity to see glimpses of what was new and fun, what you didn’t really see was the sadness and fear that also comes with change.

But why share this now?

I am back in New York for the first time since I was here for my project, so naturally, I’ve been thinking back a bit to the last time that I was here.  It is crazy to think about just how much has changed.  A year ago, life seemed so surreal, and everything seemed to be ending.  Today, things are more exciting than ever, and new doors are constantly opening, and while life is great now, I can’t help but wish that I could go back in time, and tell myself a few words of advice.  But, instead of dwelling on what I would have or should have done, I’ve decided to share a few words of advice with you readers, in hopes that I will reach someone who is struggling just like I was one year ago, and possibly give them just a glisten of hope.

Here are a few things that I wish I knew one year ago…

Everything will work out, but it might not be as planned

For those of you that have been following my blog from the beginning, you would know that I attended college in Los Angeles for one semester, and then ended up taking a leave of absense due to some unexpected health issues (you can read more about that here).  Deciding not to return to school in January was one of the scariest things that I have ever had to do, and I worried about what my friends and family would think of me.  As it turns out, no one was really bothered by my decision, and I was so touched to recieve the amount of support that I did.  Everyone that I talked to fully supported my decision, and I felt no judgement at all.  Flash forward three months, and I am confident that I made the right decision for myself.  Not only was I able to make necessary lifestly adjustments, but I was also able to really focus doing the things that I love, and really enjoyed the time off from school.  I am now more eager and excited than ever to go back, and know that I will return to school feeling stronger, healther and more motivated than before.

You’re going to miss what you had at first, but that feeling will not last forever

For the first month or so that I was away from home, I really missed it.  I missed the changing seasons, having my own bed to sleep in, home cooked meals, and even my school.  I missed the things that I had loved in the past, and I even missed some of the things that I didn’t love so much.  As I had a chance to process these emotions however, I realized that what I really missed was the familiarity of my home.  Being in a new place is fun and exciting, but it is also extremely exhausting, and it’s important to give yourself time to get used to your new home.  Some people settle right in, and others, like myself, take a little bit more time to really get to know their surroundings before they feel at home.  Just give yourself some time and allow yourself to feel sad some days.

Health isn’t just about being “healthy”

This is something that really came as a huge shock to me at the beginning of the year.  I have always lived a healthy lifestyle, from eating the right foods to getting adequate excercise, so in early October, when my health started to decline, I was shocked.  As it turns out, sometimes these things just happen, and despite healthy efforts, sometimes your body just stops working as it should.  While this can be difficult to accept, it’s important not to blame yourself for what is happening.  For months, I was so upset with myself, and kept tracing back my steps, wondering what I could have done differently.  As it turned out, I just happened to be unlucky this time around, and there really wasn’t much that I could have done to prevent what happened.  After dealing with this on my own, as well as talking to others who have dealt with health issues, I learned that there is so much more to health than what lies on the surface, and even the most seemingly “healthy” people, can be dealing with significant issues.  Through dealing with all of this, I learned a lot, and my best advice would be to take care of your body and nourish it, but don’t let it become something that stresses you out.  The most important thing is to be happy, so let that be the priority in life.

You are not stuck

Life is full of decision making, and some are more significant than others.  As a child and early teenager, you have the luxury of not really needing to worry about making decisions, however, as you get older, you start to gain freedom and responsibility, and you become much more involved in this process.  The first real decision that you get to make, is where you are going to go to college.  This really should be an exciting time in your life, however, after going through it myself, and watching friends and family do the same, I’ve seen how stressful of a process this is.  From my experience most of the stress came from presumed fact that you are stuck with the decision you make, even if you ultimately are not happy with it.  I’m here to tell you, however, that this is not the case.  There are so many ways to go through college, and while some may love it right when they get there, others might not, and that’s okay.  I know people who have transferred, done gap years, and who have stuck to the “traditional” college path, and all seem to have one thing in common; they are all happy and excited with the decision, or series or decisions that they made to get to where they are now.  Life is not all about making decisions and diving right in, but rather testing the waters, and finding the right course of actions for yourself.  So take a chance, but never feel like you are stuck with the choice you made.

I hope that by reading this, you have some sense of clarity and hope for what lies ahead.

If you have any questions feel free to contact me.

Cheers!

-sb